Ninja Swears!
by BonBonCandi-chan
Summary: OK, so I absolutely LOVED Neil and Emmy Cicierega's "Wizard Swears" and I thought I'd make a Naruto version, "Ninja Swears", just for fun! Just a fun little one-shot, but hopefully you'll find it entertaining! Review, plz!


**Author's Note: **Hello, it is I, Lady Lalucienne! It says a little about this in the story summary, but this is a one-shot of Naruto and it is sort of a spoof of "Wizard Swears". I thought it was an amusing idea, and I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! I FREAKING WISH! I WOULD SO TOTALLY MAKE SASUKE STOP BEING SUCH A LAME-ASS AND HAVE HIM BE WITH SAKURA AND HAVE THE AKATSUKI HAVE A WILD SEX PARTY ON THE TITANIC BUT WE DON'T ALL GET WHAT WE WANT, I GUESS. OTHERWISE, I'D HAVE A BAG OF SOUR SKITTLES AND ANOTHER PEPSI. DON'T QUITE REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST ONE…**

**-BURP-**

**ANYWAYS…ENJOY! XD**

-Intro plays-

Sasuke: Hey, guys. Tsunade just posted a list of words that are banned from the Hidden Leaf Village! I didn't know ninjas had swears.

Sakura: Of course we do, Sasuke-kun, they're called Ninja Swears.

Naruto: Oh, yeah! Like Kunai-bum!

Sasuke: Really? That's adorable!

Sakura: Oh, they're worse than that. Read some, Sasuke-kun!

Sasuke: Hm, let's see here…"Son of a Kyubi". That's useful.

Sakura: Ino Pig! That's my favorite!

-Kakashi walks in-

Kakashi: -clears throat- Do my ears detect foul-mouthedness?

Sakura: Oh, no, Sensei!

Sasuke: Tsunade's Boobs!

Kakashi: _Excuse me?!_

Sakura: -elbows Sasuke in the ribs- Sasuke-kun!

Kakashi: I refuse to have this filth spewed in my presence, young Uchiha! You all go without food tonight!

Naruto: Fox Bogeys!

-they all turn and stare at him-

Sasuke: Everybody run!

-they all run away-

Kakashi: Oh, Sharingan!

-all laughing-

Naruto: Ooh, that was fun!

Sakura: -giggles-

Sasuke: Yeah. -turns and sees Lee- Oh, hi, Lee…

Lee: -walks in- Yes, greetings, Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke, my friends! What are you up to today?

Naruto: We're saying naughty ninja words like Jiggle-My-Ramen!

Lee: -gasps- Gai-Sensei forbids me from using dirty language!

Sasuke: Well, Gai-Sensei is a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Shit!

Lee: -gasps-

Sakura: Sasuke-kun doesn't mean it, Lee! He's just testing out some Ninja Swears!

Sasuke: I mean every word I ever say EVER because I'm Sasuke Uchiha, and I'm an avenger.

-lighting flash/dramatic music-

Lee: I'm telling Lady Tsunade! -starts to walk off-

Naruto: You're such a Noodle Head!

Lee: -keeps walking- This is against the rules!

Sasuke: -blocks his exit- I can't let you do this, Lee.

Lee: …Oh, no…no, no…-starts backing off- Oh, no! I do not want to swear! My Sensei doesn't want me to swear! This is-.

Sasuke: Are you a ninja or not, Lee?

Lee: I-I am a ninja but-.

Sasuke: Try it, then. Here's the list. -hands it to him- Say anything.

Lee:…Er, um…uh…Kakashi's…butt crack.

Naruto and Sakura: Yay!

Sasuke: -shakes head- You sicken me!

Lee: But-but it's on the list!

Sasuke: Kakashi's ten times the ninja you'll ever be, Lee.

Lee: Aaaww…-walks off-

Sasuke: -evil grin- Leave this village, Rock Lee. Never come back.

-dramatic pause-

Naruto and Sakura: Yay!

Sakura: You're quite the bad boy today, Sasuke-kun!

Naruto: Yeah, you're filled with emo attitude!

Sasuke: Let's do a prank call!

-picks up phone, dials, they all listen in-

Orochimaru: Orochimaru speaking.

Sasuke: Curse Mark!

Orochimaru: What? You kids…if I ever find out who's calling me, I will call the AMBU Black-Ops, and you will go to Ninja Jail, and then I will kill you! Unless you're Sasuke…then I'll rape you!

Sasuke: -backs away-

Orochimaru: So, yeah, stop calling me! -CLICK-

-Kakashi and Tsunade walk in-

Kakashi: -points- There they are!

Tsunade: Kakashi-Sensei would like to have a word with you, children.

Sakura: Oh, Akamaru turds!

Kakashi: That, my dear pupil, is exactly the sort of vulgarity that I want to eradicate from the ancient and distinguished streets of the Hidden Leaf Village. The traditions of the village must be upheld and respected. The First Hokage surely would have-.

Sasuke: Zabuza f--king Haku shit, Kakashi!

Kakashi: _Whaaat?!_

Sasuke: You Sharingan-using copy-catter!

-everyone stares at Sasuke-

Naruto: Gaara's sand!

Kakashi: Tsunade, I urge you to send these monsters back to the academy!

Tsunade: -waves a hand and grins- Oh, Kakashi! Let them have their flapdoodle!

Kakashi: But you're the one who banned the words in the first place!

Tsunade: I don't even remember five minutes ago…back to your porn-reading.

Kakashi: -stalks off-

Sakura: Thank you so much, Lady Tsunade!

Tsunade: You're welcome!

Sasuke: Tsunade, you're obscenely old, right?

Tsunade: Why you little-I mean, yes!

Sasuke: Do you know of any super-ancient, lost-to-the-ages, archaic, olden times Ninja Swears?

Tsunade: Ah, well, there is _one_.

Naruto: I want to hear it!

Tsunade: The Hokage Swear! You must never repeat it to anyone!

Sakura: We won't!

Tsunade: OK, here it is…

-another dramatic pause as Tsunade draws in breath-

Tsunade: Your mother is a BEEPBEEPBEEP retarded BEEPBEEPBEEP Shino's bug-ridden BEEPBEEPBEEP Sharingan BEEPBEEPBEEP ramen BEEPBEEPBEEP Democratic BEEPBEEPBEEP rice cake BEEPBEEPBEEP AMBU BEEPBEEPBEEPin a village far away where no one can hear you BEEPBEEPBEEP elephant BEEPBEEPBEEPKunai BEEPBEEPBEEP Akatsuki BEEPBEEPBEEP Byakugan BEEPBEEPBEEP Donald Duck BEEPBEEPBEEP Family Guy BEEPBEEPBEEP Nine-Tailed Fox!

-Tsunade pants-

Naruto: Whoaaaa…

Tsunade: Now you know. You must never EVER repeat it, OK?

-yet another dramatic pause-

Sasuke: -another evil grin- We promise, Ma'am.

Later that same day…

Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura surround Lee and say:

Your mother is a BEEPBEEPBEEP retarded BEEPBEEPBEEP Shino's bug-ridden BEEPBEEPBEEP Sharingan BEEPBEEPBEEP Ramen BEEPBEEPBEEP Democratic BEEPBEEPBEEP rice cake BEEPBEEPBEEP AMBU BEEPBEEPBEEPin a village far away where no one can hear you BEEPBEEPBEEP elephant BEEPBEEPBEEPKunai BEEPBEEPBEEP Akatsuki BEEPBEEPBEEP Byakugan BEEPBEEPBEEP Donald Duck BEEPBEEPBEEP Family Guy BEEPBEEPBEEP Nine-Tailed Fox!

Poor Lee!

THE END


End file.
